Dear Family,
Can't sleep these days! I lay in bed and think about my kids and tears fill my eyes. Both the good times and the tough times come flooding back. The way things are today and the way things were in the past. I missed a lot of moments to bless your lives and I enjoyed many moments when you blessed mine. The mind is great capturer of memories like a video camera but the flashes are only momentary. Like when Jeff stood on a platform overlooking Angle stadium and received a special award during 1987 Scout-o-rama or that same summer when he and Cindi played marco polo and I threw them in the air in the pool down at Winners Circle resort. The next year they were too big and old for that stuff. Watching Nathan and Cindi in the Marching band at SCHS. Proud of the Louis Armstrong award for Nathan and sad that I made him miss a competition in San Diego that cost him a B instead of an A in band. Watching Cindi throw out girls at second base and seeing her miss a catch as goalie against the Gardner girls. Watching Bobby with his quick left foot in soccer and carrying too heavy a pack his first trip in the Sierras and doing a leaping spin to block a long ball kick early in a morning soccer game in Laguna Beach. Not giving enough fathers blessing or bearing my testimony often enough. Not reading the scriptures to you all hardly ever. Going to too many meetings and too many scout outings. Not worrying enough about your schooling. Not being close enough to Bobby and Nathan. Being proud of Jeff when he told me where to go during his eagle project. Hurting for him when he got glow stick juice in his eye at National Jamboree. Many more fleeting thoughts
keep me awake these nights. Along with worries about Nathan and his family especially how distant they are becoming and Bob and the tremendous stresses he has without a job but how lucky he is to have a loving wife that stands by him. and Jeff who is moving farther and farther away from those things that will make his life better. And Cindi alone and far far away with a neat husband but no friends to keep her happy and unalone and no kids to enjoy the great mother that she would or can be. These stories are not finished but as a father I smile I hurt I cry I laugh but most of all I pray that the Lord will bless my kids so I can move on feeling good about the fleeting moments we have had together. I close with my testimony that God lives, the church is true, the Book of Mormon proves that! It also proves Joseph was a prophet. I know that the men I have had personal contact with ie Hinkley, Mckay, Kimble, Benson, Monson are and were prophets. I also testify that staying close to activity in the church blesses lives even tho it does not guarantee freedom from hardships and trials. Funny thing Mom and I went to the temple together last Saturday and You know what! Satan knows these things too and look where he is!
Think I might be able to go to sleep now even tho my heart is melancholy.
Love you all more than these few words can express.
Dad